There’s a girl I love, but not in the way you might expect. Yes, she’s beautiful, kind, pretty, honest, loyal, and all the qualities that you can think of, but she is my cherished friend, someone I honestly don’t really think I can live without (I don’t know how I survived before I met her). Sure, it might be an exaggeration, but it’s not really far from the truth. I could probably say that she felt the same way too, to say the least. Because she is the one that I go to search for in the crowd, eyes drawn to her like sailors in the lost sea looking for Polaris that shines brighter to us than the hundreds and millions of other stars in the galaxy, knowing that that’s the one and only star they need to guide them home. She is the one who I will set aside time to just be with her, talk with her, and to simply be in her presence.
What we have isn’t something that can be put into words. Something akin to the childlike innocence one has when they are young, but our relationship is not just flowers and petals. Maybe we are this close because we understand each other in a way that others may not be able to wrap their heads around; the way we simply melt together like condiments in soup, when one is in a tough time we are always there, stuck to one another like the lint on the bottom of a shoe. But being together has brought out our inner souls, the ones that have been suppressed as the years wear by, molding us into the mature people that we now are. However, when we are with one another, I know that I can see her as a 10 year old, 8 year old, 7, 6, 5. I know that the subtle mask that I put on in front of others, can be shed around her, my true, raw, authentic self presented to her on a platter. But I do not fear judgment, because I know that even if I am shattered broken glass, she will still pick me up and place me back together like magic, making me full again. The way we project onto each other makes us feel safe, in our own bubble untouched from the outside world.
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I don’t remember exactly the moment we finally locked in as friends, but I do know that the passing conversations in gym class, or the little interactions we had in class because we sat next to each other slowly weaseled its way into our daily routine. Before we both knew it, those moments were the norm, it being unusual if one of us missed school, feeling like our other piece of the puzzle was missing.
If there’s one good thing about school, it's the relationships we foster as time goes on. But even though we started off as school friends, now because of a difference in school, we can barely see each other.
As time passes, relationships dwindle like the light to a candle as the passing wind of time comes by, but I truly hope that that is not the case with us. And now, from seeing each other everyday, for 7 hours, 5 days a week, we have dwindled to just once or twice ever since school ended, and now we don’t know when we can see each other again in real life, the only comforting thing of each other’s presence we hold is the screens that we text behind.
Now I realize that I will not ever be in a class with her again, that she cannot wake me up when I am sleeping, we won’t ever share glances when people are doing questionable things, I will never be in another school dance with her, I will never share the same science tests as her (freaking out about answers after), we cannot study together, we cannot be partners in projects (that one project geometry project on trig was my favorite), we cannot be in the same lunch table ever again (just the two of us, eating alone. Kind of pathetic, but that was all we were and needed, no unnecessary chatter, none of the shenanigans of combining the milk and water and mozerella sticks to make a disgusting potion, it was just us, our food, and the words we exchanged with one another). Even though small and passing, those moments were maybe everything for us. Our relationship wasn’t something grandiose, or high maintenance. We goofed around, we talked, we cried, we laughed, we comforted, we supported each other. Sometimes, we sat in silence, but it wasn’t the awkward uncomfortable silence that envelops strangers. No, it was the opposite. A silence because we were so comfortable that we didn’t need any validation of anything to know that we simply enjoyed the warmth and presence of the other’s.
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Sometimes, I know that I might never laugh the same way I laughed with her, adding onto jokes until our stomachs hurt and we keeled over, trying to stifle our laughter in class. I know no one will deal with my antics the way she does, the dropping of her face as she looks at me with shock before she just accepts it (she has been immunized).
I can only reminisce about the times of the past, because now we live in the present. As we go our separate ways in life, there’s one thing that still connects us through the invisible path; our connection with each other. Like opposing magnets that always attract, or parallel lines that never truly meet but are next to each other going in the same direction forever.